Geeking Out For a Paycheque – Love What I Do

Ah, geek paradise.  A job at a local comic book shop.  Sitting around reading comics and manga all day and talking it up with local geeks on all subjects of nerdom.

Not really.

The comic shop I work at tries and succeeds at being like other retail stores in many aspects.  The customer service.  Friendly knowledgeable staff.  Open and inviting atmosphere.  It challenges the common notion that all shops are dirty, seedy hole-in-the-wall dungeons staffed by disaffected, overweight owners and frequented by customers who have never seen a girl or taken a bath.

We let in natural light.  We keep the store tidy and work hard to merchandise products in an easy to find and pleasing manner.  We sweep and mop, organize, dust, inventory and work our little butts off to make sure that all our customers (be they hardcore comic guys or confused grandmothers) have a pleasant experience in store.

So, no, we don’t have time to read comics.  However, we love the products in our store and will happily share our knowledge with you should you ask.  What do I do?  I’m a manager but my area of expertise is anime, manga and related products.  I also enjoy a hefty knowledge of comics (thanks to years of training by our resident expert) and basic knowledge in Dungeons and Dragons and various boardgames.

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It’s Been One Week Since You Heard From Me

What exactly has Mamabean been up to?  Let’s take a peek in her camera and see…

She’s been shopping!  Bath and Body Works had a deal on buy one get one free on their delicious lip glosses and delectable lip balm so I grabbed my 20% off coupon and treated my poor, dry lips to some treats.  One is Vanilla Mint that always makes me giggle as I put it on – it makes my lips tingle!  One is sparkly and tastes like cupcake icing and the other is just super for putting on my pout at night to make them soft and kissable.

She’s been baby shopping with her mom.  My mom is awesome and is finally coming around to this “babybean” situation and starting to enjoy it.  She not only bought the crib and mattress for the baby – a beautiful brown one from Sears – but she also splurged and got me a glider chair with gliding footstool in the same color as the nursery!  I’m so stoked!  I was expecting to have to breastfeed on my old and worn out futon couch but this chair is sooooo comfy.  She also bought babybean his first stuffed animal – a purple dinosaur to match the dino decorations.  So cute!  Thank you mommy!

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Busy, Blustery Day

Oh the wind is lashing lustily
And the trees are thrashing thrustily
And the leaves are rustling gustily
So it’s rather safe to say
That it seems that it may turn out to be
It feels that it will undoubtedly
It looks like a rather blustery day, today
It sounds that it may turn out to be
Feels that it will undoubtedly
Looks like a rather blustery day today

The wind outside is currently hitting over 52 KM/h with gusts at 67 KM/hr.  So the view inside my house looks something like this:

Spitha is terrified of wind.  Even just the normal wind that accompanies rain sends her into a tizzy.  There’s nothing I can do when she gets like this except be kind to her and allow her to stay as close to me as doggedly possible.  That picture was actually under my feet as I took care of this:

That is the snuggle sack I started knitting for babybean.  I picked out a super wash Peruvian wool in purple and started knitting in the round.  It was (luckily) only four rounds into the knitting where I discovered I was purling wrong.  The pattern starts out K1 P1 and I purled wrong.  Argh!  Something so basic and frustrating to mess up on.  So I took it off the needles, tore out the stitches and am going to start again.  This snuggle sack will be perfect GOSHDARNIT!

I’m feeling much better than I did this morning.  I took myself to a craft store and bought some things to craft for babybean’s room.  I also found a second hand children’s store and perused the items on sale and purchased some adorable onesies featuring dogs and/or dinosaurs.  See my glorious purchases:

The last pic is of some scrapbooking sheets that I can do decoupage with and make placemats, picture frames and just get generally crafty.  The canvasses are to make dino pictures to hang in babybean’s room.  There are tons of neat ideas on Etsy but I figured hey, I can paint, I should paint them!  Plus the canvases were a steal at 4.50 each!

Today is also a special day of remembrance.  It explains some of why I’ve been so down all day as well.  Today is the adopta-versary of my precious Princess.

We only knew her for 2 1/2 years but she lives in my heart forever.  She was a special girl and fatherbean and I adored her.  She was loving and silly and full of spirit.  We miss her everyday.  R.I.P Princess, all my love, I’ll see you again someday.

Song From:  Winnie The Pooh and the Blustery Day
Written by: Richard M. Sherman and Robert B. Sherman

Anxious & Pregnant – That’s Me

This is not my first pregnancy.  This will not be the first time I go into labor.  But if all goes well this will be my first child brought to term and delivered healthy, happy and alive.  I have two months to go now and I am still hyper vigilant about everything.  Every bump and punch goes noticed and counted.  Every lack of movement is panic-inducing.  If there is a span of more than a couple hours where babybean is quiet I spend the day frantically feeling around and anxiously waiting until he kicks one…two…three…four… times “phew” and he’s moving normally.  I am anxious all the time about everything to do with pregnancy.  Weird pain?  I’ll spend hours researching the internet and finding out if the pain is normal or some horrible sign something has gone wrong.  I check constantly what is coming out of my vagina – is there blood?  Does that look like blood?  OMG what if it is?  What if something has gone wrong and I’m not noticing the signs like I screwed up last time and … *insert panic attack here*  This is not your normal pregnancy anxiety.

I haven’t been able to enjoy the pregnancy.  I like to say that the nursery isn’t done because there is a large dog living there, because we don’t have the money, because, because, because.  The truth of the matter is it isn’t done (and wouldn’t even be painted but for the kind interference of my sister in law) is because I’ve spent most of this pregnancy waiting for something to go wrong.  For the baby not to make it.  I don’t want a fully decorated nursery if there is no baby to go inside it.  I don’t take “belly pictures” and the thought of “belly casting” and 3D ultra sounds send me into an anxious fit.  I don’t read to my belly or talk to it very often – other than begging that he move so mom can stop panicking.  I am paranoid about anything touching my belly and I wake myself up constantly at night so afraid I will roll over onto my front and “squish” babybean or break my water (which is what happened last time).

On the surface I am doing what I should be doing.  I am starting to (reluctantly) buy clothes and baby items.  I might even enjoy it that day.  I blog about the weird and fun things I should be thinking of – like my belly and feet and other pregnancy things.  Usually when I do I’m having a good day and do feel what I write about.  Happy/excited etc.  I have chosen a name for babybean but still don’t use it very often.   On days like this though (which represent abot 90% of my days) I feel anxious and detached from the whole ordeal.  Sure my back hurts and I pee a lot and my feet are twice their size but I either ignore the whole “pregnant” thing completely to survive the day or it’s all I think about and send myself into an anxious tizzy worrying that I failed at being pregnant yet again.

The loss wasn’t that long ago.  Last May in fact.  It was sad and terrible and traumatic as well.  I’ve been told by professionals in the mental health field that I suffer from a form of PTSD due to the nature of the loss.  That I share symptoms with people who witness a terrible accident or suffer some other form of trauma.  I finally got into a program to help me through this, I see my lady today, and wonder if I should start on the pills they suggest.  Anti-depression/anxiety meds I’ve been on before.  I’m at an extremely high risk for PPD.  I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder and mild depression a few years ago but it’s been awhile since I needed pills to function.  This whole loss and subsequent pregnancy has sent my mental faculties into chaos.

It would be better for babybean if I wasn’t so stressed and anxious all the time.  I discussed with my Ob/Gyn the need for pills and he feels it would be better for both me and baby.  He is also worried about the “crash” emotionally after baby.  So today I go into see my lady councillor and tell her that yes I think I will need some pills, thank you.  She’s been good to me and I am beginning to trust her as well.  She suggested I “journal” and share the loss someday when I am ready – to relieve the burden I carry.  Even Fatherbean doesn’t know the whole story (to spare him the extra pain of not being there for me – he was at work and tried so hard to get away).  Perhaps sometime in the future I will share.

I want to stop living with anxiety about everything.  I want to remain calm and positive 90% of the time instead of the other way around.  It’s time I worked on getting better so that when he gets here I can give babybean the life he deserves and the best and healthiest mommy I can.

Musical Interlude

Since I am WAAYYYY too exhausted to present the world with a proper post on anything tonight, I figured I’d share with everyone my current musical playlist.  Highlights of the different bands I have on my iPod.  Take a look and who knows? Perhaps you’ll discover someone new you’ll enjoy as well. Enjoy and have a lovely weekend!

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Buy ALL The Baby Things? Rawr!

I had my first excursion into baby products the other day visiting Babies R Us to create a baby registry.  I was SO OVERWHELMED by the whole ordeal.  I hate asking people for gifts and I especially hate telling them exactly what gifts to buy me.  I know this is some sort of privilege that I get for being pregnant but it still weirds me out.  However my attitude changed when they gave me a funky space age scanner thing (of which I am accustomed having worked retail all of my life) and I got to run around the store and scan items I thought were cute and that babybean would like.  Which, admittedly, was EVERYTHING.  I’m happy I had someone to shop with though as it’s somewhat embarrassing to shop for baby by myself and get caught “awwwwing” out loud by random customers and staff.  And no matter how much he might be developing eyesight right now there is no way that babybean saw the adorableness of that puppy hoody I tried to show him about a week ago.  So having a friend or relative along saves face.  Gotcha.

Truthfully we haven’t started the nursery – there is no furniture or anything in there.  I hadn’t even bought anything remotely baby until today and I’m 31 weeks along now.  OMG I’VE GOT TWO MONTHS LEFT????  How did that happen.  AcK!  I really should get moving on this.  I mean, the nursery is painted – two different greens – and I painted a tree on the one side with a dog house underneath it.  Here’s what it looks like at the moment…..

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Baby I Can Drive That Car

This was going to be a post about going out with my mother in law to look at all the adorable baby stuff and how I want all the adorable baby stuff but…

That has been supplanted by my ability to now drive a car.  Again.  Finally.

You see due to a medical issue just over 3 years ago my license was suspended.  The medical issue was cleared up (it was actually cleared up before they issued the suspension) and I applied to get my license back.

It has been a long 3 year fight.  During which time my license expired but I wasn’t allowed to renew it because my license was suspended.  After 3 years of it being expired I would have to do the graduated licensing thing again – and it would be about another two years and a large sum of money to get my license back.  If you don’t know what graduated licensing is or have it in your area be thankful.  Be very, very thankful.

Well I finally got the suspension lifted after jumping through several flaming hoops of government bureaucratic bullshit and dragging my doctor with me.  With 6 months before I would have had to start all over again.  I opened the envelope with trembling hands just before lunch and saw the blessed words that brought me to tears.  I never knew what it was to cry with happiness until today.  The anxiety, the headaches, never having to call THAT number again.

So today I am ecstatic.  Nothing can bring me down.  Not the lack of chocolate in the house.  Not the crampy puffy right foot that doesn’t fit in shoes.  Not the fact that Agis has mastered the escape from the “kennel” (aka blocked off nursery) and chewed cardboard all over the house while I was gone.  Nada.  I can drive again.  I can be useful at work again.  I can borrow the parents car and not be reliant on the crappy local bus system.  I can make a mixed cd of music to groove to while picking fatherbean up from work tonight.  Boo-yah.