Oh my god. He was so tiny. Look at that little red face. 8 pounds 7 ounces of beautiful baby boy. I waited so long for this little man to enter my life and that life has changed in so many amazingly wonderful ways since he arrived. I never knew I could love something so damn much.
I find myself commenting during the day how big he is. Arthur’s 27 pounds of baby at 8.5 months and is standing as tall as most the 1 year olds we meet. He’s crawling and can almost stand on his own without holding onto something. He babbles constantly and I can just see those bright eyes taking in the world and figuring out his next big move.
He’s growing and changing so damn fast. I cried today as I put away the clothes he doesn’t fit anymore. Soon he’ll be walking and causing no end of destruction in the house. As I said he’s such a big boy.
But at night I get glimpses of the first three months of his life. When he’s fast asleep and searching for me in the bed he looks just like he did days old. Eyes closed, arms flailing, mouth puckered and making small suckling noises. When he latches, puts his hands gently on my breast and dream feeds I just melt.
I love the little noises he makes. The way he caresses my skin with his tiny little fingers. Those tiny hands always remind me that despite his big personality and fast-growing body he’s still so very small. And I will do everything to protect this little big life.
I have the usual memories of Easter from when I was a child, my mom always spoiled my brother and I on holidays. Chocolate bunnies nestled in bright baskets full of pastel colored plastic grass. The eggs my brother and I had decorated with crayon and food coloring hidden around the house. Eating mounds of candy and a trip to the park – no doubt to wear off the sugar rush my brother and I were both on. Crazy kids, loving parents, always a good weekend.
One of my fondest memories of Easter though is when I was 10 years old. In the local convenience store there was a chocolate bunny in a box. One day several weeks before Easter I got it in my head that I needed to buy that bunny for my mom and dad for a present. I went about collecting all the change I could find – everything in my drawers, my piggy banks, my hidden stashes. I sat in our playroom and counted pennies and nickles until I had the 9.99 price tag to buy the rabbit. Being that I was 10 I didn’t know about rolling coin or about taxes yet so I dragged exactly 9.99 in mostly pennies down the street Easter weekend to the store. In a plastic bag. Complete with bits of paper and pet hair mixed in.
I remember waiting in line, bouncing up and down as I eyed the bunny on the shelf. Surely no one would buy the chocolate before MY turn in line, right? Bright eyed (and bushy tailed) I plopped the bag of coin down on his counter and proudly announced “I want to buy that bunny for my mommy and daddy please!” (yes, I called them mommy and daddy – I still do at 34 years of age)
I’m not sure if the shop keeper found it annoying or adorable that I had brought him this bag of change but he and I counted it together in between other customers being rung through. I had counted right (I remember being very proud of this fact) but I didn’t have enough. He explained to me about taxes and my world fell down around me. I didn’t have any more money. That was everything I could find in the house!
The shop keeper thought for a moment and finally handed me the bunny. He took the bag of change and set it behind the counter. He bagged up my bunny and sent me on my way. I was so happy! I ran home, made my own wrapping paper for the bunny and prepared to present it to mommy and daddy the next morning.
They were touched that I bought it and I remember refusing to eat my chocolate before they ate theirs. I learned later that my mom hated milk chocolate and ate some of it anyways to see me smile. I think that was the first time I realized how much FUN giving presents was – especially when I had toiled so hard to acquire the gifts. The feeling of pride and happiness as mom and dad enjoyed the bunny has stuck with me all these years and I continue to enjoy giving people things that make them smile to this day.
Happy Easter … no matter how you celebrate. Have a bunny, on me. 🙂