She’s a Rambling

Apropos of nothing, here’s a video of adorable Japanese mascot commercials.  Just because.

I’m 33 weeks and counting.  My feet are still swollen so much that the only shoes I’m wearing are flip flops despite the colder spring weather.  Babybean has gone from movements only I can feel to protruding limbs that everyone can see.  It’s something else to sit and watch your belly ripple and bumpy bits of flesh poke out of it while you have no control over anything in that area.  I’m not sure I like the sensation but I am fascinated by it.  Even Fatherbean gets to see the show once in awhile if he can drag his ass away from TV Tropes on the internet long enough to take an interest.  I’m freaking tired ALL THE TIME now.  No energy to do even the simple tasks.  Which is pissing me off as the nursery isn’t even clean let alone finished painted and I don’t have time to do it with work draining every last inch of my sanity and…and…*cries*.  Oh, yeah, the crying.  Lots of it.  I have reason to be but also, GAGH.  Too much.

Agis is gone and I miss him.  Spitha is still here and being awesome but I do miss the youthful energy that Agis brought to the house.  Agis isn’t doing well in his new foster home and is having aggression issues.  They will have their work cut out for them and for awhile it looked as if he was going to be shipped off yet again – which set me off into a world of despair that had me anxiously thinking I’d let him go to his doggy death – but thankfully a dog behaviorist has stepped up to the plate and things are progressing slowly.  I feel horrible and guilty and like I failed him.  But I had to do what was best for him and for my family and need to take solace in the fact I did just that.

I’m also on some meds.  Cipralex to be exact.  Just a bit to start and it seems to be working.  I’m less anxious and other than normal pregnancy stuff seem to be taking small steps to enjoying this last couple months.  Also the Dr overseeing my therapy sessions with the Comorbidity Clinician reminds me of David Tenant’s Dr Who.  Seriously.  He’s young and talks JUST LIKE DR WHO.  Even Fatherbean agrees.

Now, I just need to get that room done.  Oh yeah, I’ve also been crafting – painting things and knitting things for baby – so I’m feeling a bit more accomplished.  Today was a “sick” day from work (thanks to a killer migraine this morning) and I managed to finish painting Babybean’s step stool tonight.  And eat ice cream.  That was the important part.

I want to try and get back into my blogging groove though it’s hard.  The energy being sapped from me often leaves me speechless or unable to communicate.  With the pills settling in and life taking a turn for the better though I think I can get back into the swing of it.

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It’s Been One Week Since You Heard From Me

What exactly has Mamabean been up to?  Let’s take a peek in her camera and see…

She’s been shopping!  Bath and Body Works had a deal on buy one get one free on their delicious lip glosses and delectable lip balm so I grabbed my 20% off coupon and treated my poor, dry lips to some treats.  One is Vanilla Mint that always makes me giggle as I put it on – it makes my lips tingle!  One is sparkly and tastes like cupcake icing and the other is just super for putting on my pout at night to make them soft and kissable.

She’s been baby shopping with her mom.  My mom is awesome and is finally coming around to this “babybean” situation and starting to enjoy it.  She not only bought the crib and mattress for the baby – a beautiful brown one from Sears – but she also splurged and got me a glider chair with gliding footstool in the same color as the nursery!  I’m so stoked!  I was expecting to have to breastfeed on my old and worn out futon couch but this chair is sooooo comfy.  She also bought babybean his first stuffed animal – a purple dinosaur to match the dino decorations.  So cute!  Thank you mommy!

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Paws to Heart – Being a Dog Foster Mom

There have been many dogs through this small apartment’s doors but only two have ever called it home. Through all the licking, the barking, the behavior issues, the sad stories and the heartbreak when they leave I have never asked myself “why do I do this?”.  I do it because I love dogs.  It’s as simple as that.

There are so many dogs who need help, so many lives and sad stories that I often find myself overwhelmed.  It’s hard to wade through the horrors of dog rescue and feel like you aren’t doing enough or that you’re horrible for not saving all the doggies.  I often have to defend my choice of charity to other people who don’t understand why I put my efforts into saving animals when there are children starving.  I’ve also had to defend my choice of rescue to other animal advocates who think I’m not doing it right.  That I’m not saving the right kind of dogs or fighting for what they believe to be the correct way to rescue.

This post isn’t for them though.  This post is for everyone out there who ever wanted to do something to help but weren’t sure about what to do.  Consider fostering – it’s one of the most challenging and rewarding experiences you will ever have.  It will teach you patience when the dog who has never lived in a house pees on your walls and chews your furniture.  It will teach you creative thinking when you have to adjust your schedule for a special needs pet or a high energy pup who needs more exercise.  It will teach you how to child proof your home because if you have a chewer you will learn quickly what dangerous and expensive things should NOT be left around where waist-high creatures can get at them.  Most of all though, it will teach you about unconditional love.  It will teach you about putting the needs of another being before your own.  You will learn to do what is best for that being even if it goes against what you want.

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