She’s a Rambling

Apropos of nothing, here’s a video of adorable Japanese mascot commercials.  Just because.

I’m 33 weeks and counting.  My feet are still swollen so much that the only shoes I’m wearing are flip flops despite the colder spring weather.  Babybean has gone from movements only I can feel to protruding limbs that everyone can see.  It’s something else to sit and watch your belly ripple and bumpy bits of flesh poke out of it while you have no control over anything in that area.  I’m not sure I like the sensation but I am fascinated by it.  Even Fatherbean gets to see the show once in awhile if he can drag his ass away from TV Tropes on the internet long enough to take an interest.  I’m freaking tired ALL THE TIME now.  No energy to do even the simple tasks.  Which is pissing me off as the nursery isn’t even clean let alone finished painted and I don’t have time to do it with work draining every last inch of my sanity and…and…*cries*.  Oh, yeah, the crying.  Lots of it.  I have reason to be but also, GAGH.  Too much.

Agis is gone and I miss him.  Spitha is still here and being awesome but I do miss the youthful energy that Agis brought to the house.  Agis isn’t doing well in his new foster home and is having aggression issues.  They will have their work cut out for them and for awhile it looked as if he was going to be shipped off yet again – which set me off into a world of despair that had me anxiously thinking I’d let him go to his doggy death – but thankfully a dog behaviorist has stepped up to the plate and things are progressing slowly.  I feel horrible and guilty and like I failed him.  But I had to do what was best for him and for my family and need to take solace in the fact I did just that.

I’m also on some meds.  Cipralex to be exact.  Just a bit to start and it seems to be working.  I’m less anxious and other than normal pregnancy stuff seem to be taking small steps to enjoying this last couple months.  Also the Dr overseeing my therapy sessions with the Comorbidity Clinician reminds me of David Tenant’s Dr Who.  Seriously.  He’s young and talks JUST LIKE DR WHO.  Even Fatherbean agrees.

Now, I just need to get that room done.  Oh yeah, I’ve also been crafting – painting things and knitting things for baby – so I’m feeling a bit more accomplished.  Today was a “sick” day from work (thanks to a killer migraine this morning) and I managed to finish painting Babybean’s step stool tonight.  And eat ice cream.  That was the important part.

I want to try and get back into my blogging groove though it’s hard.  The energy being sapped from me often leaves me speechless or unable to communicate.  With the pills settling in and life taking a turn for the better though I think I can get back into the swing of it.


Pregnant Ponderings

So I’m pregnant. 28 weeks pregnant.  That’s more pregnant than I’ve ever been and gods willing I’ll be bringing this bean into the world in 2 1/2 months time. Probably earlier, I feel this will be an early birth. I’m not sure why I feel this way – perhaps it’s the way Arthurbean kicks me constantly as if he’s anxious to leave my belly and see the world. I think he knows the wonders that await him in this apartment (awesome dad, adorable dog, more animated movies, comics and video games than he could ever want). It’s fatherbean’s fault. He’s been reading a book on the Tardis from Doctor Who to Arthur before bed. Who wouldn’t want to learn more about the Doctor?

I’ve got sciatica, my hips constantly hurt, my back aches from simultaneously holding up a giant belly and ginormous boobs (did you know there is bigger than an H cup? I do now.), carpal tunnel is my constant friend at work, I forget things all the time but…but…but…look at my hair! It’s so thick and shiny and wavy – I touch it all the time. Fatherbean loves it as I have left it long and flowing instead of cutting it short for the oncoming summer.  So when the physical pain and inconvenience gets too much some days I just run my hands through my lustrous hair (I can use that word again hee hee hee).

Arthurbean you’ll have to stay inside a bit longer.  I have a nursery to set up, furniture to buy, a husband to prepare, classes to attend, and a baby blanket to finish knitting for you.  There’s currently a foster dog occupying your nursery (see picture) and he’ll be leaving for his new foster home in May.  Your nursery theme is puppies anyways, so he’s just been keeping it puppied for you.  We have so many useful things we need to buy you (a stroller, car seat, clothes, bottles, nibs, soothers etc etc etc) but your easily distracted mamabean keeps getting sidetracked by adorable baby plush that are in the shape of puppies.  I really hope you like puppies.

I love you already and above anything else that happens during my day I ponder the day I get to meet you, finally.

Then I remember that day comes with crazy pain and screaming (thanks prenatal classes!) and ponder something else.  Like puppies.