In Defense of Belle Jar: Sitting In The World’s Largest Pub (Internet Privacy and how there is NONE)

Welcome to Internet, the world’s largest pub.

Would you like a drink?  Our menu includes house drinks “The Banned Troll”, “Duckface Darling” or the “Selfie” (growing in popularity every year).  Or how about draught?  SInce I can pull from pretty much anywhere in the world the choices are endless.

Let me give you a tour.  Every table has a name.  Pinterest, Facebook, Yahoo, WordPress.  Sometimes the crowds at each table mingle to share pictures, ideas and social commentary.  There are people from all walks of life here – and all ages so play nice.

Please ignore the scurrying black shadows under the tables.  Sometimes they’ll pipe up with inappropriate or misleading comments into your conversation but when they get out of hand the group in the Guy Fawkes masks usually shine some light on the situation.

So welcome, here’s your drink, and you only have to remember one thing.  “There is no privacy here.”

Rosie over at Make Me A Sammich has issued a call to arms on behalf of our friend and brilliant blogger, The Belle Jar.

*trigger warning for talk of rape and rape culture*

You see, Belle broke a story about rape culture at the University of Ottawa.  Go and read her blog post about it – it’s ok, I’ll wait.

 Back?  Angry?  Good.  Here are a couple others you should also read on the story:  “So What IS Rape Culture, if not this?” and “Rape Culture at UofO, Come At Me Boys”  –  I don’t have anything else to add on rape culture and how horrible it is that these men felt it was alright to degrade their fellow leader the way that they did.  Belle, Matthew and Rosie have all covered that subject really, really well.  

The Belle Jar is, due to her post, receiving a lot of bullying and intimidation.  She’s also been included in the lawsuit against Anne Marie Roy by the men who degraded her for sharing and spreading the screencap of the conversation.  There have been comments defending the perpetrators and their behavior (boys will be boys BULLSHIT) and rape apologists (it wasn’t really a threat, an actual rape didn’t happen so it’s not as bad as you say) and other inane and asinine comments.  The one thing I’ve seen pop up over and over and over again is that it was a “private” conversation that no one but the guys should have had access to/

Ok people, let me tell you something about the internet.  Something the younger generation seems to have forgotten.  There is NO SUCH THING as privacy on here.  NONE.  If you are operating under the assumption that there is, you are sorely mistaken.  Accounts can be hacked.  Settings can be changed by providers.  Deleting conversations and pictures doesn’t work most of the time.  What you put out there can stay out there forever – some have likened it to a digital tattoo about yourself.

Not to mention that whatever you put on the internet you are PUTTING IN WRITING.  Which can then be screen capped.  And sent to people you don’t want to see it.  No matter what the laws are, no matter what kind of privacy you THINK you have, it won’t really matter when your nude selfie or admittance to a severe dislike of Doctor Who is out there for the world to see, will it?

I think my analogy above is pretty accurate.  We’re all hanging out in the world’s largest pub.  With the dim lights and tables in different sections it gives the illusion of privacy – but you always have to remember that at anytime, anywhere someone could be watching and listening to what you do.

I love this list “Top 10 Things Not To Share On Social Networking Sites”

“Social networking is all about sharing, so something you think is in confidence can easily be shared and then shared again, and before you know it, someone you don’t even know has access to something private. “When in doubt, leave it out” is a good motto to follow. And always remember that anything you share has the potential to be leaked in some way.”

I’m glad these guys were caught and that their conversation went public.  They were in a position of power within the University.  Over other students who would be younger and more vulnerable.  If this is the way they talk about someone they are supposed to work with what kind of behavior would have happened when other students pissed them off?  It’s been brought to light and now their actions have consequences.  With power comes responsibility.  (Yes, I semi-quoted Uncle Ben from Spiderman)

Since I’ve been working on this post there was an update and all four have resigned from their posts.

Oddly, I’m also able to tie this blog post into NaBloPoMo’s prompt for today.  “How is your writing voice like you? How does your writing voice differ from you?”  I have an inner voice who is dying to get out.  She’s angry at the world and wants to state her opinions loud and clear.  She wants to tackle the hard stuff and make a difference in this world.  To take controversial topics and add her voice to the others – to stand in solidarity with women like Rosie and Belle Jar.

But, truthfully, I’m frightened.  I’ve seen the shit-storm that comes down on women who are too loud, too opinionated and it frightens me.  I know, I know, it means “they’ve” won.  However, I’m not sure I could, emotionally, take it.  The bloggers that do – they are amazingly strong.  

So to answer the question, my writing voice is as safe as my speaking voice.  But it differs as here, in writing, I feel I’m able to be stronger.  Smarter.  Present myself with some intelligence.  

This post is that attempt.  I’m standing up for my friend who is being wrongly attacked.  I’m writing about a controversial topic and facing my fear of the trolls and haters.  Because even though they will be baby steps, someday I want to have a strong voice too.

I want to grow up to be Belle.  

 

 

My Love of the Ocean

When I was a little girl I was fascinated by the ocean.  My favourite animal was (and still is) the humpback whale and I dreamed of the day I could see one in real life.  I loved the sound of the ocean, waves crashing against the shore.  I loved the look of the moon rippling on the water late at night.  Colourful fishing boats floating just off of the shoreline.

Thing is…I had never seen the ocean.  Everything I knew about it I knew from pictures and National Geographic specials.

It was the one place I wanted to go.  The one natural thing in this world I desired to see with my own eyes.  I especially wanted to visit the East coast of Canada – Nova Scotia, PEI, Newfoundland.  I was fascinated by the beauty in the pictures I saw and I thought where better to see the ocean and possibly…whales?

In my early 20’s two beautiful friends of mine took a trip to the East coast.  I couldn’t go due to financial restraints but they brought me back a little something that, to this day, is one of my precious things.

The risk is if we open this now it’ll probably kill us all.

They’d gone to the ocean and packed a small jar full of findings and seawater.  I opened it once or twice when I first got it just to smell the salty water.  I think this is still one of the nicest gifts I’ve ever gotten.

My first attempt at seeing the ocean was when I accompanied my boss on a trip to an anime convention in California.  I told him how I’d never seen the ocean so we took a trip to the shore as the sun set and dusk fell.  I could smell the sea and hear the waves but I didn’t get close to the water.  There was a palm tree and I excitedly hopped over to see it.  Which is when I was accosted by the buzzing of some sort of insect flying at me.  It was probably some kind of beetle but seriously – the sound of it’s wings made me picture something the size of my head.  I’m not good with bugs normally but when one is flying right at me and I’m in a skirt and I’m picturing the mutant june bug from hell – well let’s just say I didn’t stop moving till I was back in the car.  My boss got a good laugh over it.

It wasn’t until a few years later, after I’d met Fred and we took our first vacation together, that I got to get my feet wet.  We traveled down to Rhode Island to visit my best friend and her husband.  About an hour out from Rhode Island is…OCEAN!

The waves were fun and quite big!

It was windy and rainy that day so the waves were deliciously big.  I remember squealing and giggling like a little kid as the water pushed me this way and that.  I’m not a great swimmer so I didn’t go in too far but I still got wet from head to toe.  I tasted the seawater and got sand and rocks between my toes.  I reveled in the beautiful blue hues of the ocean ripples and danced in the frothy sea foam.  It was so much fun and I was in love even more with the ocean.

This bridge went OVER the ocean – it was nailbitingly HUGE.

I still haven’t seen a whale in real life.  Or the east coast.  But now I have someone with whom to share my childlike wonder at the ocean and all of it’s contents.  I’m looking forward to when Arthur (and any future siblings) are old enough for a trip out East.  Because I believe it’s important for them to experience the country we live in from coast to coast – so they know why we must love and protect it.  I want him to have the joy of splashing in the waves and fond memories of days at the beach.  And I want to take him whale watching so he will understand how very, very important it is to protect the whales of the world.

But most of all I want to share with him all the things that I find wondrous and exciting because sharing those things – that’s one of the best things about being a mom.  And the ocean is the most wondrous and exciting thing of all.