Proselytize THIS

Naps are hard won in this house.  Especially morning naps.

Arthur was asleep all night and now that he’s up and discovered once again that the world is AMAZINGBALLS he is understandably reluctant to go back to bed.  But he rubs his eyes and falls around my living room like a drunk old man so off to nurse to sleep he goes.  He does not go easy though and it takes up to an hour of breastfeeding gymnastics, pinches, pokes, prods and push-ups.  After he finally relents and closes his eyes, his breathing slowing and his grip on my breast loosening, I pull the cover over us both and nap myself.  Because getting this child to sleep is hella tiring.

Today was no exception.  He woke early (7am-yikes!) and after several games of “something silly on my head” he was ready for a nap around nine.  We did our usual song and dance in the bed and eventually we had both drifted off.

Then the dog barked.  Which always startles the hell out of me because she so rarely does – unless someone’s at the door.

Today that someone wanted to teach me about Jesus.

I didn’t answer.  I gathered my (now awake) child in my arms and stumbled sleepily out to the door of the apartment.  Part of my nap-addled brain thought it was my friend come to visit early.  When I saw the flyer under my door though, I knew.

I guess it’s to be expected this time of year.  It’s almost Easter, the weather is nice and just like their savior proselytizers have risen in order to spread the word of the Lord.  Whether we want to hear it or not.

I really hate it when, like these two ladies, they bring small children along (and have them closest to the door).  It’s awfully hard to shut the door in a cherubic two year old’s face as he holds out a paper for you to take with an innocent smile.  Proselytizers in my parent’s area have gone so far as to stand at the car and send ONLY the children to the door.

Do you proselytizers honestly think I haven’t heard of God?  Christianity in all it’s various forms?  We have something wonderful now called the INTERNET and if I wanted to I could EASILY find information for myself.  You should use it too.  Set up a blog and proselytize to your heart’s content.  People will find it and if they want to hear what you have to say they will stick around and ask questions.

No more of this bothering poor elderly people, harassing people home sick from work, waking sleeping babies and pissing off sleep-deprived mothers.  Because, seriously, next time you come to my door and wake my child from a nap I will hit you.  With a book about athiests frolicking with pagans.  Then sing some heavy metal with lots of swearing and invite your child to sing along.  Then, while you are writing on the floor in physical and spiritual pain, I will give your kid an espresso and shut the door.


“Just to be clear, I have respect for those who follow their religions within their own homes and communities.  However, when you start to try to “convert” by going door to door, infringing on the rights of others or forcing your way into public institutions THEN I have a problem.  Respect my rights and boundaries and I’ll respect yours.  Peace.”