Mushy Momma Brain

There are days when I can sit down at this computer after putting Arthur to bed and write an essay on almost any topic.

Then there are days like this when he’s drained all the energy from my brain and body.  It’s like he not only breastfeeds but sucks the information out of my head like some kind of baby USB drive.

I’ve got momma brain.  Feist singing “1,2,3,4” is playing through my head interspersed with skinnamarinkidinkidink.  All I can think about is cuddling with my little guy.  Adult conversation leaves me stumped and stumbling.  I’ve picked up and put down this laptop several times and each time I’ve forgotten where.

Perhaps it’s the lack of sleep.  He’s getting more teeth which for him means more eating.  For me that means more feeding and trying to prevent his biting.  Nothing wakes one up faster than sharp baby teeth clamping down on your nipple in the middle of the night.  Also I’ve got this irrational fear that he’s going to stop breathing at night.  So I wake myself up several times throughout the night just to make sure he’s ok.

Needless to say this is pretty much all I can manage blog-wise tonight.  So goodnight friends, may the Sandman be gentle with you and your little ones tonight.  Sweet dreams and I’ll see you again tomorrow.

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I Dream of Baby

I’ve always had very vivid dreams.  When I’m stressed or the anxiety and depression are creeping back in the dreams turn to nightmares.  For example during the most anxious part of this pregnancy I kept having a recurring nightmare where I’d be coming home from work to find my precious dog dead.  In different gory ways.  It was horribly disturbing and on the days after having one I would often get off the bus and run home crying afraid that the nightmare would come true.

Thankfully things have gone from bad to weird and now instead of nightmares I have dreams that are, well, weird as shit.

Here are the top three dreams I’m having on a regular basis (with some variation each night I have them).

1)  That Babybean has somehow in the middle of the night just crawled out of me and I wake up to find him nuzzled at my breast drinking his fill of milk.  All alone.  In my bed.  Some may count this as a nightmare but in the dream I find it all perfectly normal and after cleaning him off…go back to sleep.

2)  That I give birth to my little boy except he’s not a little boy he’s a little girl.  So all the stuff I plastered with his name on it needs to be redone.  Not only does he come out a little girl he can apparently talk right out of the womb and informs me that despite his gender he wants to be a little boy.  Confused yet?  Then he/she tells me that he wants his nursery to be decorated in football theme.  See, the gender thing is fine with me (I will love and support my child no matter their “gender preference” and have often lamented the horrible gender stereotyping of baby things) but the real nightmare here is the football theme.  ICK, I say.  Football?  At least make it soccer.  Or hockey.  I am in Canada after all.

3)  That I give birth and everything goes well except that they take the baby from me at the hospital and hide him somewhere.  The nurses then inform me that in order to lose the baby weight I put on I have to walk around the hospital, read the clues they’ve left me on the walls, and find my baby.  That’s right, I’ve just given birth and I’m put through some torturous weight loss scheme at the hospital.  Oh, and when I find a clue sometimes there’s a cupcake attached just to keep my strength up.

Last night there was a super moon out and I always dream heaviest around the full moon.  I had the window shade open so I could bathe in Her lovely light as I drifted off to sleep.  I don’t remember any dreams from last night and actually feel very rested today so perhaps the moon blessed me with a night of darkness and good sleep.

Which means I’m in for it tonight.  Hoo-boy.