Taking A Risk – NaBloPoMo

I’m going to give this “post every day for a month” thing a try.  I mean, I’m full of things to talk about.  Breastfeeding, parenting, cupcakes, comics, my son, my dog, my attempt to clean my house and keep my sanity.

The theme this month is “Risk” and there are some neat prompts from the NaBloPoMo organizers.  This will be a challenge for me to complete a blog post every day for a month.  Many times I sit down and get sidetracked, or the words won’t come out or (the most common) I’m just too damn tired.

We bought a diaper for Spitha today.  A reusable doggie diaper that she will no doubt hate.  The last time we tried diapers (disposable) it was the most pathetic thing.  She just…stood there.  Staring.  At me.  With those pathetically sad eyes of hers.  I wish I could explain to her that I’m sorry but I want my son (who is now fully mobile and not contained within the confines of the living room) to crawl about the whole apartment (childproofed areas) without crawling through dog urine.  Also I’m kinda tired of stepping in it myself.  Plus she’ll be happier if she can be with us too.  The diaper is cloth so hopefully she’ll get used to it faster.

Also I lucked out and ended up at the grocery store when they were giving out samples of chocolate.  SCORE.

Well, since I’ll be blogging my fingers off starting tomorrow I guess I’ll call it a night.  I have video games to play plus my hubby and I are watching “The Prisoner” from the late 60’s early 70’s.  I keep expecting the Beatles or Monkees to pop up and start singing.

So goodnight readers (and hello to all my new followers).  Here is a picture of adorable just because.

arthurphone 004

 

But The Bone Is Too Far Away

But…But…It’s so HIGH UP THERE

See that picture there?  That’s been me the last few weeks.  The bone is a metaphor for a clean and organized house, a tidy and finished nursery, a filled with witty posts blog and an email inbox not full of un-responded to mail.  That dog is me.  Staring at something just out of my lazy-ass reach because I was too tired and sore to do anything about it.  Sitting at the computer was actually painful for awhile – my thumb and wrists are still healing.  So I’ll be coming back to this blog slowly.

The pressure is on.  The baby is almost here (one more month!) and my “nesting” instinct has yet to kick into high gear (I can usually still convince myself that playing Sims 3 on the PS3 is a much safer activity than laundry).  Tomorrow is the great clean up though.  The house is a mess so we need to get it clean and presentable.  Right now I wouldn’t have my own mother come by – and she knows what a slob I am!  The plan is that once the house is clean and I won’t be embarrassed to have company Fatherbean will invite some muscle to the house and rearrange things to my liking.  Of course we will also promise beer, pizza and possibly cupcakes.  Luckily he has many manly cousins to contact.

So starting this week I will grab that bone and devour it (not literally EWW I’ll leave it for Spitha) and my home will be clean and organized for a little while.  I hope.

Busy, Blustery Day

Oh the wind is lashing lustily
And the trees are thrashing thrustily
And the leaves are rustling gustily
So it’s rather safe to say
That it seems that it may turn out to be
It feels that it will undoubtedly
It looks like a rather blustery day, today
It sounds that it may turn out to be
Feels that it will undoubtedly
Looks like a rather blustery day today

The wind outside is currently hitting over 52 KM/h with gusts at 67 KM/hr.  So the view inside my house looks something like this:

Spitha is terrified of wind.  Even just the normal wind that accompanies rain sends her into a tizzy.  There’s nothing I can do when she gets like this except be kind to her and allow her to stay as close to me as doggedly possible.  That picture was actually under my feet as I took care of this:

That is the snuggle sack I started knitting for babybean.  I picked out a super wash Peruvian wool in purple and started knitting in the round.  It was (luckily) only four rounds into the knitting where I discovered I was purling wrong.  The pattern starts out K1 P1 and I purled wrong.  Argh!  Something so basic and frustrating to mess up on.  So I took it off the needles, tore out the stitches and am going to start again.  This snuggle sack will be perfect GOSHDARNIT!

I’m feeling much better than I did this morning.  I took myself to a craft store and bought some things to craft for babybean’s room.  I also found a second hand children’s store and perused the items on sale and purchased some adorable onesies featuring dogs and/or dinosaurs.  See my glorious purchases:

The last pic is of some scrapbooking sheets that I can do decoupage with and make placemats, picture frames and just get generally crafty.  The canvasses are to make dino pictures to hang in babybean’s room.  There are tons of neat ideas on Etsy but I figured hey, I can paint, I should paint them!  Plus the canvases were a steal at 4.50 each!

Today is also a special day of remembrance.  It explains some of why I’ve been so down all day as well.  Today is the adopta-versary of my precious Princess.

We only knew her for 2 1/2 years but she lives in my heart forever.  She was a special girl and fatherbean and I adored her.  She was loving and silly and full of spirit.  We miss her everyday.  R.I.P Princess, all my love, I’ll see you again someday.

Song From:  Winnie The Pooh and the Blustery Day
Written by: Richard M. Sherman and Robert B. Sherman

Finished Undulation

I did it! I completed a pattern and knitted something I can wear and be *proud* of. Here is the finished Undulation scarf in all it’s glory. Modeled by the lovely Spitha. I used up all my Noro yarn and made the scarf about 20″ longer than the pattern called for – which suits me just fine as I like my scarves longer. I love it and have been wearing it every day!

 

 

 

 

Now I’m teaching myself how to knit in the round. I found the most adorable pattern for a pumpkin baby hat but wanted to perfect my skill before attempting such a task. So…I’m knitting a dice bag for a co worker of mine. The dice bag is fairly simple and a great way to use up the stash of Acrylic yarn I bought before I discovered all-natural.  So far it’s going swimmingly and I’m especially proud of my ability to decipher knitting directions and abbreviations.

K1, Yo2, do the hokey pokey and turn your yarn around…yeah like those.

It’s getting nicer and nicer out and the sunshine makes me want to take my dog and knit in the park.  We did spend some time outside yesterday – she loves to just lay and watch the world go by.  Hope everyone is having a great weekend and  I want to welcome all the followers of my blog – I’m excited you are here and honored you chose my words to keep tabs on!  Thank you!

 

Intensive Prenatal Classes

What was supposed to be informative and helpful ended up being a very hard day for me yesterday. My husband and I had signed up for prenatal classes with the only person in our city that my Dr recommended. We opted for the two 4 hour classes instead of the five 1 1/2 hour classes.

We were early and sat in the room waiting for the 7 other couples to show up.  The instructor gave us our name tags (oi – name tags?) and fatherbean and I read various books on babies while we waited.

I can feel the anxiety starting in me, the tickle in my stomach that isn’t quite nausea, the racing thoughts in my head – but what if they don’t like me oh god i’m going to be the oldest mom here i’ll definately be the fattest will i have to talk infront of them – and so on and so forth.  I know fatherbean is nervous but he stays quiet and focused beside me.  I take out my knitting and work on calming some of that anxiety.

The first couple arrives and sits down.  Then the rest trickle in.  The fathers all seem to have the same caught-in-the-headlights look on their faces and focus their attention on the moms.  The moms all glance around when they think the others aren’t looking and steal peeks at other bellies than theirs.  No one talks – I don’t think anyone is sure how to start a conversation.  “Hi!  I’m pregnant, so are you!  So…uh…how’s it going?”

A lady representing a company that does Cord Blood Banking comes in and talks to us about it.  http://www.insception.com/  I’d heard about this service before but had never really delved into the heart of it.  The blood can apparently be used later in the child’s life to help with various diseases and can even be used for other close family members.  Sounds good but it’s expensive and not something fatherbean and I have the budget for at the moment.  Plus I feel guilty – like I won’t be doing enough to protect this child if I DON’T use the service.

The class continues.  The teacher is a beautiful woman with a Trinidad accent.  I love listening to her talk and she puts me at ease.  Fatherbean is learning what to do to make labor more comfortable for me – ways he can help and ways he can be useful.  What to do to take care of himself and me in the coming months.  I know he’s been stressed about seeing me in pain and about becoming a dad so as I expected this class is more for him than me.

As the class moves on and we start talking about the signs of labor and preterm labor I start to become more and more agitated.  I’ve already been in labor.  I know the signs.  My mind flashes back to that horrible day all alone at the hospital where I went in to emergency with what I thought was a bladder infection and ended up having a stillbirth at 19.5 weeks.  As the teacher describes the type of pain contractions are my body remembers and I start to panic.  I think of Joel, little Joel, who I lost last May and whose death weighs still so heavily on my heart.  I get mad once again at the Ob/Gyn who failed me.  It’s hard hearing all this in a setting I can’t escape from. It’s taking all my strength not to run sobbing from the room.  I look at the wall and try not to listen too much.  Not that I think anyone will fault me for it if I did start crying but I do not want to upset the class – nor the other mothers there. I also do not really want to explain myself.

Perhaps one day I will post my lost bean’s story.

The instructor noticed my pain and took me aside afterwards and we talked about it.  It really helped.  She helped calm my anxieties somewhat and gave me some options to help with this pregnancy.  She says fatherbean and I may be candidates for a volunteer Doula to help – especially since I have an increased risk of post partum depression.  That would be a big help.

I’ll leave this post on a fun note though. While all us moms were out in the hall eating our lunch the men had to stay behind and make a list of things to “help her during pregnancy”. Like what they would specifically do. When us women were let back in the room we had to guess which ones our guys wrote. There was one there that said “Bring her a picture of a favorite pet” and I started to laugh. I knew that was fatherbean’s! The teacher said he wanted to bring me the pet but they don’t allow that at the hospital so a picture will have to do. Seems as if my precious Spitha dog will be helping me during pregnancy more than she knows – and how lucky am I to have a husband who truly understands me like he does? So lucky.